Old Sayings...

There's an old saying that time flies when you're having fun. That time flies when you're happy. Well, if that's true, then it must also be true that time slows down in times or sorrow. In my case, it seemed like time stopped. Time stops when you are in despair.

What would have it been like looking into my own bloodshot eyes?
I somewhat wished I could have known.

Did the people see it? The horror I can see through my eyes?

They say that the eyes are the windows to your soul.
If that is so, did they have a peek at mine?
Did they get a glimpse of my soul? Did they find it broken? Shattered?

Or is the windows to my soul the one that is shattered that they can easily see not the reflection, but my soul itself. Engulfed by despair, transformed into despair itself, dripping out my eye sockets like a ghastly eerie ooze.

When you take away a man's freedom, you take away his future. If you take away a man's future, you take away his life. What thus remains is only death.

Will I find freedom in death?

I remember something in the bible that goes somewhat like, "If you are a slave in this life, in the afterlife you shall be free. If you are miserable in this life, in the afterlife you shall be happy".

I ask the question again. Will I find freedom from despair in deatth? Will I find joy?


I ask these because in times of despair, the question of Life and Death comes seeking answers. Rest assured, dear reader, that I will not kill myself. I am merely following the steps that people in despair go through, which are:

1. The Impact, where the cause is initially known and where time stops.
2. Denial, Regret, Blame
3. The emptiness
4. The question of life and death
5. More emptiness

I am not a professional, I am not an expert. I know despair, but not that well. Perhaps thinking that I do was a mistake.

I used to think that I know despair like a lover, always ever present. Keeping me awake at night, cuddling me in my sleep, greets me when I wake, accompanies me when I eat.

I used to think I knew all her moves. I never believed she can bring anything new in bed. I was wrong,she just did. And I sit here, awake at this hour, relishing the bitter ecstacy of our previous intercourse. A climax that lasted an entire day, two and a half years in the making.


I would like to end by giving you a couple of excerpts from the song, Welcome To The Black Parade

"He said son, when you grow up, would you be the savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned? Will You defeat them, your demons and all the nonbelievers?"


"A world that send you reeling from decimated dreams. Your misery and hate will kill us all. So paint it black and take it back let's shout it loud and clear".

"We'll carry on, We'll carry on"